Stephen Colbert incredibly summarized the choices of Donald Trump’s cabinet so far, noting that it “wasn’t the outrageous and stunning story I thought I was going to start my monologue with tonight.”
The Late Show The host, who sarcastically said he was only hosting “for now,” began by saying that he thought he was ready for Trump’s second presidency. “I was walking around the building and reminding everyone that this isn’t great, it’s not the outcome I was hoping for, but this is not Trump’s first rodeo. Almost eight years ago, we all saw him walk down the steps of the Capitol, put his hand on the Bible, lie to the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court about defending the Constitution, and then give a very precise speech about the coming American carnage.
“And I was saying, in all sincerity, ‘Hey! Let’s not get off our skis here. Let’s take this one day at a time. Maybe, maybe betting against all logic and all previous experiences, it will be different this time. You were right. Because it’s already so much worse.
Colbert pointed to Trump’s most recent cabinet picks, which included Matt Gaetz as attorney general and Tulsi Gabbard as director of national intelligence.
Colbert said: “During the campaign, I thought that if Trump won, he would do the worst things I could imagine,” Colbert said. “It turns out I don’t have much imagination. There’s not enough Botox in the world to hide how traumatized I am. There’s also not enough Botox in the world because Matt Gaetz used it all up. This is just a small amusement for what is a terrifying idea.
“Matt Gaetz, a candidate for the top law enforcement office in the United States, is currently under investigation by the House Ethics Committee, which has issued a subpoena for him in a sex and drugs investigation. It really makes you wonder, do I bring enough drugs to participate? Because I could really use them right now. “
As for Gabbard, whom Colbert described as a “MAGA follower and village idiot from Cruella de Village,” the host recounted interviewing her during the 2020 presidential campaign. “Intelligence is not the first word that comes to mind – or the second,” he noted.
Colbert also commented on Trump’s nomination of Fox News host Pete Hegseth for secretary of defense. Colbert said: “Hegseth has two qualifications for Trump,” Colbert said. “He’s on TV, and he’s an eccentric guy.”
Later, the host discussed the news that Senate Republicans have chosen John Thune of South Dakota as the new majority leader, replacing Mitch McConnell. Colbert said: “That’s why you’re interested.” “All those nominations I mentioned earlier, straight from the mouth of madness? Normally, they have to go through Senate confirmation, where both sides can ask leading questions, present evidence and call witness testimony. Nominees must defend themselves and explain why getting the job would be good for America. But Trump demanded and Thune supported a Senate adjournment so that none of that would happen: Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo, this is the job without any review.
“They’re called recess appointments. Coincidentally, vacation dates: What Matt Gates calls his dates.
A source